Monday, May 23, 2016

I am no better than you, my friends

The last three days have been amazing. I got my walking legs back, finally! Plus, the trail in this region is well marked, and so I haven't lost my way as much, and when I have it's been easy to get back on track.

A few days ago, in Tomar, I stayed in a hostel that actually had people in it, and I probably annoyed the lady at the front desk because I spoke to every single person that came into the rec room. People! I ran into an older guy, Ricardo from Orange County, who I had seen the night before. He offered to pay for my dinner, and a broke traveler never turns down free dinner. We ended up talking for a couple hours about travel mostly. He shook my hand and commended me for traveling at a young age, talking about how there are lots of people who never see the world, so it is admirable that I am seeing it, like he had his whole life. Though I appreciated the comment, it almost came off as if he thought people who traveled were better than people who never traveled, and it really bothered me. I think travelers can sometimes be just as arrogant as someone who has achieved career and/or monetary success. Yes, travel brings me a lot of happiness and I love that I am doing it, but it makes me no better than another person. I think happiness can be found in so many different ways, and it is arrogant to think that travel is the only way to experience happiness and adventure. Sometimes I worry that the pictures I post make me seem like I'm showing off or bragging, which really is not my intent. I share pictures because I've had people request them, it brings my parents comfort to see I am alive, and I figure people might be interested in what I'm doing. I am in no way trying to rub it in. People must find happiness in their own way, and not everyone has wanderlust.

I asked Ricardo what he thought love was. He fell in love with a woman when he was in China years ago and they were married for 15 years. He said when he met her, he got a really peaceful feeling around her. He said she put him at ease, and that's why he fell in love with her. I asked if he ever had butterflies for her and he said no, just peace. It makes sense, because Ricardo suffers from OCD and anxiety, so butterflies were probably not what he was looking for, but peace and comfort were.

That next morning I finally got in to the mountains! I thrive in the mountains. I am much faster at going up and down trails than walking a boring flat surface. I felt so good I ran for part of it, and then found that my guidebook had fallen out of the pocket of my pack. Luckily there were a couple brothers from California that had the same guidebook and so I was able to take pictures of it and have been using those pictures as my guide.

Yesterday I ran into two older guys from Australia that were really cheeky and fun, and walking verrrrry slowly, but it was nice talking with them. So far I've only met retired old men on this Camino, which honestly is probably a good thing. On my last Camino, I was very preoccupied with a handsome Dutch guy and so I didn't end up doing the writing and reflecting I was hoping to do. This time around I've been writing a lot more, which is nice. Keep the old guys coming.

I've also been thinking a lot about my belief in God. I do not believe in the God of my upbringing; God is not a white man with a white beard sitting on a throne wearing a white robe watching at all times. I do not believe this, but I do not deny the existence of something. I have had too many experiences in my life, and in this journey alone, that point to there being some power taking care of me and moving me. I don't know what it is, I don't know if something is actually there, but I also don't know for sure that there is nothing there. I like doubt. I find comfort in it. It leaves my mind free to question and to wander and to wonder and to never come up with a definitive answer. I think the words "I don't know" should be more respected than they are.


No comments:

Post a Comment