Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Things I would tell you if you weren't disgusted by me:

Charles Bukowski ate one one Payday a day because that's all he could afford as a writer. He refused to work for The Man, and was determined to make his art his living. Bukowski was a jerk, but I respect his gumption.

I watched Manhattan for the first time and identified very much to Diane Keaton's character. It made me miss your neurotic behavior and our intense conversations that always seemed to begin with some sort of thesis statement.

Woody Allen won the lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes. Your Woody.

I listened to a This American Life episode that inspired me to record some of my stories. So I have been recording stuff on my phone. Wanna listen?

Gah I hate Tinder so much. I wish we were still dating so that I didn't feel this obligation to be on there. Why do I feel an obligation? I don't know. It's all in my head. My friends are all on it and talk about it all the time and are constantly dating and I feel like I have to keep up, or I am not a real person unless I am dating or something. I hate it. I guess it's good. I guess maybe I could find someone new.

I liked the way you used emojis.

I never saw you dance, but I wanted to.

I watched Her last night and thought of you the whole time. Which I hate.

Remember on our second date when you bought french fries from Wendy's and you told me I could eat them because women die later than men and then I told you heart disease and diabetes runs in my family and without saying anything you took the bag of fries from my hands and threw them in the back seat so I would stop eating them? I loved that moment. The comedic timing made me fall in deep like with you.

I hate that you are disgusted by me. I wish I could change your mind and make you see I am an honest, sincere person. I was scared. I tried to be as honest with you as I could be, as honest as my fear would allow. I wish you would forgive me and come back. I miss talking to you. 

I feel pathetic for missing you because we only knew each other for a short time. You were the closest thing I've experienced to sharing my world with someone, and it was beautiful and special and I loved it.

I miss your hands, and the veins in your forearms. I miss the gray in your hair. I miss your big nose. I miss your eyes. You have beautiful, soulful eyes. I want to kiss them.

I miss kissing you.