Words

I haven't posted a good ramble for a while, so here we go. Profound thoughts from Marie Sunshine Peepers on this, the 26th of February.

I currently work at a ski lodge in Alta, don't ask me why. Honestly, the only reason I applied for this job was because when I was working at the ranch in Montana everyone I worked with was stressed about finding a winter job, so then I became stressed about it, so I found this job listed on Craiglist and applied and interviewed and got the job. Within days I had winter employment. I had NO idea there was a ski culture. I mean, I'd heard the term "ski bum" before but I didn't really know what it meant. Now I know what it means. It crossed my mind when I got the job that I could learn how to ski, but honestly I was more excited about the prospect of having a gym, hot tub, and sauna I could use everyday. Skiing was a second thought. Not even that, it was more like a third or fourth thought. Then I came out here. And I met the people who work out here. They ski, then talk about skiing, then watch skiing videos on YouTube, then watch the making-of videos about the skiing videos they watched on YouTube, then watch skiing documentaries. They get powder fever, which, I didn't know existed, but it does. I have gone skiing a few times since being out here, but I don't have powder fever. I don't care to go skiing everyday. Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to go skiing everyday; the kids up here are happy, man. They are doing what they love. But I am totally indifferent to it. It's fun, but I'm not in love. When there's a sunny day I get really excited about being able to go on a long run. I would rather go for a 10 mile run up and down the canyon then ski all day. I haven't caught the bug. I'm pretty sure people up here think I am super weird, and they wouldn't be wrong. I am super weird. But I think they are super weird, too.

I have never told the full story of the crazy Dutch guy because I've been meaning to turn it into a detailed short story, which I have not gotten around to writing. So here's the gist: I met him the first day of the Camino, thought he was cute, but didn't give him a second thought. We ended up walking with the same group of guys for a few days, ended up cuddling, and yatta yatta yatta. I tried to be very practical about it; he was just going to be my Camino fling and nothing more. But then we started talking more and getting closer and sometimes you end up falling for people you didn't mean to fall for. Sometimes these things happen, dammit, even when we don't intend them to. Anyway, he could tell we were getting close so his reaction was to runaway from me in the middle of the pilgrimage. He literally ran. I stayed behind and walked with the other guys for a couple days, but then started getting really antsy myself. I started walking 20-25 miles a day, just because I had the energy and could do it. Then I realized I was making such good time that I would be able to do the extra 100 kilometers to the ocean, which I originally hadn't planned on doing because I didn't think I'd given myself enough time. But then, as I was getting closer to Santiago, I realized I could probably catch up with the crazy Dutch guy, so that became my new challenge. I walked 50 kilometers (about 30 miles) a day for almost a week. I asked about him at the hostels I stayed at and found someone every night who had met him and could tell me when they had seen him. The last night before I was going to walk into Santiago I stayed at a hostel with a man named Gabin, a lovely fellow from England. He had just run into the crazy Dutch guy the night before and told me, "if it's met to be, you will find him." That morning I woke up early and ran for about 5 kilometers, and then I could see a familiar backpack in the distance. It was the crazy Dutch guy. I was super nervous and slowed down, but eventually caught up with him. He was walking with a woman he owed 10 Euros to, and he hadn't been able to find an ATM so couldn't pay her back, and didn't want to leave her knowing he owed her money. He asked if I had 10 Euros, which I did, paid her, and then he and I walked together into Santiago and spent 3 days together there. Jump to present day: I don't think either one of us expected to keep in contact like we have, but as it is we text each other everyday and talk on the phone a few times a week. We are not in an official romantic relationship. I have been seeing other guys and he's been seeing other girls. But he has become a very special friend to me and I have a lot of love for him. I am not IN LOVE with him, I don't think, but I love him. I will be seeing him on my trip to Europe come May, and I am very excited about it. And that's all I have to say about that, for now.

I am still trying to learn how to let things go. Not grudges, I don't hold grudges, it's not in my nature. However, I have a tendency to think I know what is best for everyone. It used to be A LOT worse than it is now, but I still find myself getting frustrated at people for not choosing the things I would choose or doing things the way I would do them. It comes from a good place; I want people to be happy, and I think I know what would make them happy. However, this way of thinking tends to be quite judgmental at times and just causes me stress. I have to fight myself when I get a controlling thought in my head. It is a mental wrestle every time, but I am making progress. I don't concern myself with other people's lives half as much as I used to, but I would like to get to the point where I don't concern myself at all. I mean, I want to be there for people, and show them love and support and comfort when they need it, but otherwise, I just want to stay out of their business and let them do as they will, because ultimately I have zero control.

I really miss walking everyday. Actually, the crazy Dutch guy and I were just talking about this the other day, about how both of us miss walking. It was so simple: we woke up, walked, when we needed to sit and rest, we rested, ate when we were hungry, got to the hostel and drank wine, and slept. That was it. We met great people and had good conversations and laughed a lot. It was nice. If I could get paid to walk 30 miles a day, I would. How do you find that job?

And with that, I'm off. Hope you enjoyed.